with my friends.
specially anthony yo
he is the shit. ahhaha
but what my momma says is true, "like spiderman's uncle said,
with age comes responsability"
okay so wtf
i just went to chill with andrew cardona. and bruno and then gabe.
they came to my house n i had to give my dad a back rub so i could go chill lmao. wow. well anyways, we walked to like tudor woods and chilled at the pool and andrew got bruno a puny bottle of SKYY and i still chugged like half of it or soemthing and no w im like CRUNK.........
alroght well sasha just said my eye makup loks real good.
alright i dont giev a shit/
im having a blast
thank the lord i am not straight edge.
i told someone i liked them for a while today
an di dont know how they feel about that
but ihope its not gonna change things or anything shitty is gonna happen
k i love my life and everyone whose in it.
ALRIGHT . SO im at asashas sasha's
i keep telling myself ill work on things
i dont feel alive.
i believe i have some sort of mental problem. im fucking abnormal. my mom said so like a month ago too.
wow. the point of this shitty lj is for me to express myself. and although im usually carefree and happy.
TODAY IS THE DAY. when the world will crumble.
all of it.
i have no hope.
i dont know in what
i think i just lost all hope i had.
every bit of it.
the tears that dry on my cheeks.
they leave some marks.
but i truly believe im living an empty life.
the hope i had, i think i had in myself
is all gone now, its truly gone
i am a failure.
im nothing great
something must have happened
inside of me i feel empty
i feel this knot in my throat
its all senseless
i have no fear
i have no heart beat
and the tears keep dripping down to my chin.
my birthday is coming up. its on wednesday. i have been so excited over it and shit. that now all of a sudden i feel super down. why??
because having so many options but not getting any of what you really want sucks.
wow. i feel like the most incomplacent being on earth. i could pick. but i dont. i fucking need to feel this shit.
i make no sense whatsoever. im not jolly like usual. i feel real shitty and my heart aches literally. i know i said like a month ago that i was gonna try and stay single for at least six months if not a year. but you know what.. i dont want that anymore. all those meaningless hookups that i could have in a year,i would trade anyday. for some time with somone who really would want me for me, and like me, inside and out too. someone whod appreciate all i have to offer, and would do anything for me.
ugh. this isnt like a song im writing or anything. but i bet that feeling this way would make me write wonders, and still feel like shit.
why am i living? what is my purpose in this life?
what the fuck do i do that no one else can accomplish?
im sure if there was somethign you could think of, i could think of someone who would do a better job.
im such a fucking mediocre, why the fuck am i like this now..
im fucking nuts. everyones said so.
let me like... fucking';af,klashk'
and the heartbeat stops.
today was fucking fun. 1st day of school, i woke up blah blah i was late to 1st hour
i got: culinary, chemistry, spanish, math, english, american history, health.
so everything was goin smoothly.. 1st michelle was there, 2nd awesome teacher. hes only twenty two. im like. woah i have older friendsthan my teacher. umm yeah fun class seems like.3rd THEE BEST. we MUST speak spanish at all tiems, and ortiz and ericka .. fuckn one of the triplets dude!! hahah they are my buddies in that class. hell yeah man. its hilarious.. anthony;s spanish like blows so he was shy to ask for a sheet cause he didnt get it and then he got in trouble. aw man.. she was tellin us we needed to watch tv with our grandmas so we would get used to spanish. lol
4th was cool. ish. logvin again. she picked on me like the whole class but whatever. she knows me from freshmen year means i can get away with shit. then i got lunch with the whole crew. its straight, and kyla told me she switched to that lunch so its cool. im gonna miss carlita though. :( she has 2nd.
well alright.. my english teacher is a cool old lady, relaxed, she told a kid "shut up" and apologized the whole period saying how she tends to take things she says very lightly. 6th is american history.. relatively young male teacher. not as young as my chemistry one.. but it means hes cool. ahh im so glad too. umm..the fucking health.. thats a course you ususally take your freshmen or sophomore year. so of course theres only a few people there who are juniors. we dont even have a teacher yet. the schedule says TBA. wtf. so yeah.. jesse went to get a schedule change and i kinda left with him.. we ended up dippin school since the sub said all there was to do was take attendance. so we got gas and he drove me home.
woah long entry.
umm...afterschool i was exhausted and sweaty and all that shit. i like ripped my clothes off when i came home. sat a while.. then took a shower and all that ..went to pick up my dad.. then he changed his mind. so i went to get carlita. we ate at the mall and she heard me talk insesantly about last night's south park episode (dont get me started) and we got matching obnoxious yellow leather belts. tehy are SWEET. and umm.. i got a pair of jeans.. WTF i was supposed to get notebooks.pens..etc
we remembered after like 3 hours.. and we went to office max.. there was a line the size of your dick. and so we decided.. lets go to target.
target...A WHOLE NEW WOOOOOOOORLD! im on fucking life.
we got what we neeeded and the cashier was like .. all gay ish.. not literally. like... he was attracted to carlita n flirty n shit.. but he wasnt acting all like a boy up in your face.. and shit. he was like.. gigglegiggleshygigglegiggle.
umm.. so we danced in teh car. we screamed. i dont know.. it was so fun!!
im so sad shes not even in my lunch.
-----------------i love that school started.
hah. fuckn i cant believe i just typed that.
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